How and when to talk about adoption to your child

 

Adoption brings a loving family, a home to an orphan. A loving child to parents. Life is like a coin having both sides. Happiness follows sadness, love follows hate. Likewise, adoption has its brighter and darker sides. By carefully handling certain important aspects, adoption can be a successful one. To tell about adoption to your child is a very sensitive matter which can lead to extreme disappointment. Hence, the delicate issue needs a careful and slow approach, at an appropriate time and with the right way, considering the developmental stages of the child.

Let us look at some guidelines of how and when to talk about adoption to your child.

• Keep in mind the age of your child. Wait until the child fits in the new family. Give yourself and the child too ample amount of time to know each other.
• Insecurity is a common problem in adoption. The child is often insecure with the changes in their caretakers. Hence, it is important for parents to gain the child’s confidence first.
• The child should be comfortable with the family members, especially with the primary caregiver.
• Make sure the child attaches well to the new parents and knows that you love him or her a lot.
• The child is able to listen to the parents and clearly understands the expressions.
• Have an eye-to-eye contact. Hold him while you start coming up with the topic.
• Make stories if required. Know their emotions before you come up with the topic.
• Choose a one to one time. Take the child to his or her favourite place. Maybe for a vacation or a nearby park. Start the discussion on a lighter note.
• Mentioning indirectly sometimes can work better for some kids. Take time to explain carefully as this is a sensitive matter.
• Be careful with the first reaction. Check how sensitive your child is about the matter.
• If you feel the child is not still ready. Don’t rush. Wait for some more time. Try making him/her understand that there is no difference between an adopted child and a biological child.
• It is better to make sure that all hard feelings be mended soon if you see your child in an uncomfortable situation.
• You should be the one to reveal. Let the child not know about his or her adoption from a third person. Often if the child comes to know from a third person, he/she will be affected very badly and will go through an emotional turmoil. This may create a distance between you and your child. The future of the child can be tough.
• Give your child time to absorb the harsh reality. Be considerate and patient until he is comfortable with the fact. If you notice the sensitiveness in your child then it is advisable to consult a doctor or get the child counselled.

By the age of six, the child is supposed to know certain important facts of his life. Above all, what matters are, you being the parent, you are responsible for the child. Who else can be the best judge to understand the child’s emotions other than you? Follow your heart. Hurdles are sometimes inevitable. However, following the above steps, talk about adoption to your child carefully, fusing with some fun to make it less painful.